About the uninvited guests

Points from the example of me inviting Asian students to my home for dinner-

• My negative face was violated when more people than I had invited showed up and no one called me to see if it was ok first. They were more concerned about the positive faces of their friends who would have to stay behind in the dorm.
  
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• One student asked for seconds. Normally we wait until we are offered seconds. I was especially irritated because I didn't have enough food for everyone now that the group was so much larger. My negative face violated again. He was undoubtedly appealing to positive face, solidarity in demonstrating his enthusiasm for the food.
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• My cherry pie was rejected as too sweet. My positive face was violated. I should have acquired more schema about that given the number of years I'd interacted with Asians in Japan and Chicago. I violated their negative faces by presenting them with a food they would not enjoy and putting them in the position of rejecting it.
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• Considering how little money I had at the time but had sacrificed in order to host them only to then have them bring uninvited guests that I couldn't provide for, I was livid when, after they had finished eating, someone said, Let's order pizza! Now they were saying from an American perspective, Your offering was insufficient. A huge slap in my negative face. As my Korean roommate later explained, however, it could be seen as a solidarity move that said, We're enjoying our time together and you have spent time and money for us and we want to continue enjoying time together and now we will help with the expense and not requiring anymore cooking from you.
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• Fortunately I didn't yell at them or anything and felt much better about the whole affair when my insightful roommate/informant helped to 'translate' their behavior for me.
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• MORAL OF THE STORY: It is always safest to assume the other person is being polite according to the rules they know, until you can verify through other native speakers of that language/culture, that in fact, even in their own culture that behavior is rude.